tazkirah buat anak yang masih ada parents

pernah tak korang renung muka mak ayah korang (for those yang Allah masih pinjamkan parents kepada diorang ah), betul2 renung, setiap inci wajah diorang? pernah tak korang rasa satu perasaan syahdu tiba2, sebab korang tengok, muka mak ayah korang tuh dah semakin tua. kalau masa zaman kanak2, macam tuhla muka datuk nenek kita dulu, tahap tuanya mereka. mereka dah tak kuat macam dulu. selalu sakit2 pinggang, sakit2 kaki, sakit2 seluruh badan. mereka dah tak larat buat kerja berat2.

pernah tak korang terfikir, macam mana hidup kita tanpa mak ayah kita tu? selama ni kalau ada masalah, mesti berlari2 nak mengadu kat diorang. atau ada berita gembira, mesti berlari2 nak beritahu. atau nak makan apa2, minta mak masakkan. nak mengada2 itu ini, cakap kat ayah. takde duit, ayah hulurkan dulu. kadang2 mak plak hulurkan. jalan2 ngan diorang, cerita2 itu ini. ngumpat2 artis atau sesapa jerla yang terlintas. cerita macam. tiba2, kalau diorang dah takde, macam mana? pernah korang bayangkan? aku pernah mimpi, ayah aku meninggal. then, dalam mimpi tuh i have something to share with him, some good news i think. aku dah capai henpon. aku nak dail, tiba2 aku cakap ngan diri sendiri “eh, ayah kan dah meninggal..” then i felt so sad and lonely, aku nanges. aku nanges sampai betul2 air mata mengalir keluar and aku terjaga sebab terasa hangat jer air mata tuh.

orang maybe tak caya, even aku pon kekadang tak caya, how could i know the feeling of orang2 yang dah lost their parents. but believe me, i know. jangan aa tanya kenapa aku bleh tahu, i just know. rasa kosong, sedih, sepi. aku tatau macam mana anak2 yang takde mak ayah ni begitu kuat teruskan hidup diorang. but i guess, we just have to kot. hmmmm. itulah kenapa masa mak sue meninggal, i could feel the excruciating pain. aku nanges sebab sedih sangat. aku takleh tido dah lepas dapat sms sue. aku bangun, sedekahkan ayat2 suci kepada arwah. dahla aku sempat kenal arwah. sehingga hari ni, kalo sue cakap2 pasal arwah, aku selalu terbayang2 muka dia. semoga arwah ditempatkan dikalangan orang2 beriman dan bahagia di sana, amin.

anyway, lately i so feel my parents’s fragility. sampai tahap aku rasa tanak berpisah dengan diorang. i don’t want to lose a moment with them. nak balik tetiap minggu (macam selama ni tak balik tetiap minggu, hahahha). to top it all, my parents suddenly decided to tukar sumer nama geran tanah to nama kitorang. masa mak aku cakap ngan aku, aku rasa nak nangis ajer. peluk dan kata “mak, hidupla 100 tahun lagi!” tapi aku tahu, ajal maut bukan di tangan kita. semua di tangan Allah. so aku diamkan ajerla. makk aku cakap dihujung ayat dia “maklumla, mak ni dah tua. rasanya tak lama lagi dah” huwaaaaaaaaaa *bergenang air mata sambil menaip.

few years back, ekoran daripada aku terkheciwa oleh chenta (huhu), aku sempat terfikir. salah aku ke, sebab aku slalu gaduh ngan mak aku, maka susah sangat nak mendapatkan pasangan hidup. then aku terfikir plak, what if aku tak sempat cakap ngan mak aku, aku sayang dia? yes, aku neh ego nak mampos. ngan orang tersayang pon tanak cakap sayang. so, aku bulatkan tekad and told her “mak, walau adik selalu gaduh2 ngan mak, selalu marah2, tapi adik sayang sangat kat mak..” and we both nanges tak tentu hala lepas tuh. with my mum saying “mak pun sayang kat adik jugak. gaduh2 mesra tu. kalau adik tak balik lama, mak selalu rindu. takde anak nak digaduh2kan..” meleleh2 laa air mata 2 beranak. ayah aku diam jer kat tepi. ngan ayah aku memang aku jarang menggaduh sebab fikiran sama jer, huhu. at least aku lega sebab akhirnya aku dapat luahkan my love for her.

but still, aku tetap takbleh imagine life without them. i do hope at least Allah kurniakan diorang usia yang panjang dan kesihatan yang bagus sampai diorang bleh menimang cucu2 diorang, anak aku plak. mudah2an Allah kasik aa aku rezeki bleh kahwen ngan lelaki yang baik untuk aku dan dapat anak2 yang soleh n solehah dari perkongsian hidup kitorang. semoga parents aku dapat tengok semua itu supaya boleh diorang tinggalkan aku dengan tenang. amin kepada semua permintaan itu..

i’m just a coward yang takbleh hidup tanpa dilindungi orang tersayang..

unhappiness intolerance

usah kau ceritakan kisah duka padaku
aku tidak mahu tahu
dan usah kau ULANG kisah duka padaku
kerna aku sudah tahu dan tidak lagi mahu tahu

jangan kau adukan kisah sendu padaku
aku tidak mahu campur
apatah lagi bila kau ulangi kisah-kisah itu
aku tidak mahu tahu!

aku marah padanya, ya!
dia buat kau terluka
aku tahu kau cuma ingin mengadu
tapi aku tidak mahu tahu

katakanlah wahai semua “kau pentingkan diri!”
atau katakan “kau kejam, tak mahu mengerti!”
atau katakanlah pula “sampainya hati!”

katakan semua itu
aku tak peduli

kerna aku marah dan sangat marah
pada dia yang melukaimu
pada kau yang terluka dan mengadu
juga pada diriku yang tak berdaya
aku ingin bunuh mereka semua yang menyakitimu
aku ingin sentiasa memeluk dan melindungimu
aku ingin kau sentiasa bahagia
tapi aku tak mampu
aku juga hanya insan biasa sepertimu

jangan kau adukan kisah luka lagi
kerana aku tidak mahu mengerti..

kisah testing2

when i first saw the news on Formula 1 Official Website, that testing session will be done in sepang, in between races in march, i was jumping with delight at the prospect of experiencing another aspect of formula 1 – live. but then i was in doubt. do we get to see this testing? do the testing open to public? if yes, do we have to pay for entrance? so on and so forth.

last week i browse through Sepang Circuit Official Website, once again considering whether to grab f1 ticket with 5% discount (errr, got no money right now, but apakah kegunaan credit card, yer tak? >:)) or wait until i got my bonus. and then, i see this news:

what? i could not believe my eyes. i re-read the news and then i was once again jumping around with joy, hehehe. never mind going alone to sepang. i will do it.

muna: tahun ni ada testing f1 kat sepang, free! nak pergi aaa. sorang2 pun takpe
pakwe muna: bila?
muna: bulan 3. 18/3
pakwe muna: lorr lambat lagi
muna: kenapa? kalo dah dekat2 bleh tanya lagi skali ke?
pakwe muna: bleh

errr, pakwe nak ikut? *lompat2 again sampai ke siling* arghhh menghitung hari until season bermula. 47 days and counting..

for my dearest

to one of the great men i’ve known,
who barely knows his own greatness;

to a friend that’s so precious,
i doubt i can find someone as special as you;

how time pass by,
and here i am with another wish for you;

may Allah bestows His grace on you,
may you have a happy life,
may you fulfill all your dreams;

a very happy birthday for you!

heh heh heh >:)

this message is exclusively for my dearest (yang lain takyah aa baca, hahahah):

dia tak faham sepatah haram cter tuh. aku explain gak sesikit along the way. sure berasap jer orang2 di persekitaran kitorang. walau dah diexplain, tetap dia tak faham. so, aku suh dia enjoy jer gelak2 bila part patut gelak2 tuh. pehtu aku kena bebel sebab ajak dia tengok cter yg berbelit2. kata dia, nak tengok wayang sebab tanak berfikir, tapi cter tu tadi kena berfikir. dahla fikir2 tak faham lak tuh. ahahahhaha, sian dia.

did promised him not to ajak tengok cter pelik2 n membelit2 lagi. kartun2 jerlaa. or ajak tengok harry potter ah. dia suka cter2 sebegitu, ehehehhehe. cter pelik2 n belit2 reserved to us ajerla. tuh ah aku dah kata, balik sini, ko degil. kan ke susah aku kalo nak tengok cter pelik2 dan belit2, ahahhahaha. eh, remind me i seem to have some comment regarding this movie.

to those it may concerns..

good day to mr jean todt and all ferrari people (maleh nak amik tau sesapa, hahaha, tau jean todt ajer sebab mamat neh yg slalu kena umpat + selalu kena tayang + kapel ngan michelle yeoh),

i am one of your potential scuderia ferrari team’s fan based on fact that my most favourite driver joined the team starting this year (try hard not to vomit my lunch out). it takes me long long time before i could get used to the idea and not wanting to bang my head on the wall or hide myself to remote place where people never heard of f1 before. now i could even smile a little when i see kimi in red suit and i’m looking forward to catch him in sepang this year (this is a reminder to do a long long fan meeting session in sepang, okay?)

i used to be a fan of mclaren mercedes team ever since i saw the great potential of the car driven by my brother mika (heh heh) and i still am eventhough they decided to take my most despise driver on board (i plan to root for lewis this year, though). subsequently to this fact, i used to frequent their website. what i adore most is their layout in black, silver and red. the side does not display any hanky panky, only a straight approach by providing menu on the front page.

what i want to say is, please please please take out that flash stuff that get on my nerves everytime i click to your site. what i really want is no hassle in order to get information on your side. all those flash MAY make your website seemed more canggih2 than others when the fact is, it is a chore to me especially when i have to wait until the flash finish loading. i want info, and i want it NOW! and not 5 minutes later.

it department of ferrari, please take note okeh? or i might cancel my inclination to be your fan (you sucks anyway, ahahahha).

and for the technical people, please race fairly, and win race fairly. no need to bodek2 the FIA okay? take care of my precious kimi. MAKE SURE HE WIN WC TITLE THIS YEAR OR ELSE..

take care all of you. thank you for reading this. see you in sepang this year.

adios.

kimi looks happy in red *sigh*

basic OSHA ’s audit stuff vs hukum2 dalam islam

1. major ncr hukumnya wajib (as in wajib betulkan apa yg tak comply itu)
2. minor ncr hukumnya wajib jugak(as in wajib betulkan apa yg tak comply itu)
3. ofi hukumnya sunat muakkad (as in dituntut membetulkannya, kalo berulang2 ofi bleh dapat ncr)

kepada yang tatau..
ncr = non comformity report
ofi = opportunity for improvement

p/s: yunks..please correct me if i’m wrong over here, ehehhehe

*sumber: kemerepekan seorang budak yang diaudit + seorang budak yg bz buat user manual

pak guard yang kerek

sebab archiq bising balik2 kisah dating, ari neh kita bukak cter lain, huhuhuhu

what’s wrong this pak guard u*tm aaaa? i happened to membolos through many pak guards from different universities. pak guard usm..breeze through them, even managed the whole semester without getting sticker for my car, huhuhuhu. pah guard un*ten, also breeze through them bebila suka2 ati nak menumpang bilik adik my bestfriend, farina itu. slalu depa ternganga aku dah lepas, ahahhaha. pak guard ukm..also breeze through, bila nak anto another sister of farina. haaa, takder seko pon yang mengerek dengan aku. akan tetapi…

pak guard u*tm nih, entah apa yang merasuk, sejak seminggu 2 neh rajin membuat kawalan keselamatan (kunun). then sesedap jiwa raga menahan aku. kali pertama, told him that i am kontraktor cms for intec..dia kata..okay..tukar sticker baru. aku yerkan sambil senyum. 2nd time, abang guard tahan, explained to him that i’ll only last here until the end of january, so that’s why i’m not getting new sticker. he said okay..and i gave him a smile and a thank you. 2 pak guard tak kerek. okay, thumb up u*tm! akan tetapi…

pagi2 neh another pak guard menahan. buat muka blur when we (me and sue) explained that we are cms contractor. he asked for our pass, and sue dig in for hers since i never even had my pass. malangnya, pass itu sudah expired. lopeh itu dia siap menyinga dan membuat muka kerek as if we are 10 yrs old. lerghhhhhhh. bukan salah kitorang pass mati. staff u*tm yg kena provide new pass, bukan kitorang yg print2 sendirik. aku katakan, aku last minggu ni kat sini, dia buat muka kerek tak berhenti2 itu dan memberi amaran “hari ni tukar pass baru! tukar sticker baru! esok ada operasi besar2an, takde sticker parking luar. jalan kaki masuk dalam!” what the hell? could u be more diplomatic and hear what i was saying??? perlukah aku mendig rm5 untuk membeli sticker baru? baik aku beli prosperity burger, kenyang jugak aku, huh!

sue ngadu kat kak maz, our senior staff aka project manager laa jugak kira2nya kan. then kak maz suh beli sticker baru. aku tak beli pon. esok2 pak gad wat muka kerek, aku wat muka kerek balik. i’m not a 10yrs old or 20yrs old yg easily intimidated by a kerek pak guard. kerek2 laa ko, aku dah nak abes dah pon, huh!

mujur naik atas, bukak email, ada email dari wadie, yg mereply email aku pada dia semalam. so, sejuk jap ati aku. jap2 nak buat kira2..hmmmm..paling2 lewat pon, 4/2 balik laaa wadie sebab dia kata visa kerja dia 30 hari jer. eventhough kerja banyak lagik, but his co takdonya nak bayarkan overstay punya denda kat dia, hehehhehe. yahooooo! buleh laa mengepau dengan gembira (tercekik wadie baca neh, hahahha)

sekian entry saya yg hangen tapi dah kewl balik.

to all kerek pak guards..f*ck you! (errr, asal aku mencarut neh? hahahhaha)

dating malam jumaat >:)

disclaimer:
i wrote all entries labeled as personal stuff mainly just for my own reading (i’m self obsessed and love to read whatever i’ve written, hehhehe). therefore, i expect people not to read these entries throughoutly. sesapa yang adalah degil dan tidak mau menurut disclaimer saya ini, saya tak tanggung apa2 risk yang terjadi kepada korang, okays?

“rindu aa kat awak. dating jom”

yes. as simple as that. i’ve learned through life that you have to ask for whatever you want. orang ramai tidak dilahirkan bleh membaca kehendak hati kita, you know. so, i sent that sms and wait. and oh yeah, i’ve learned that i have to be patience with this beloved boyfriend of mine *grin*

he agreed. simple discussion on where to date, and i’m off (again and again) to setapak to meet my beloved, hehehhe. the traffic was not so bad. but the whole kl was wet from the rain. we agreed to meet at 830pm but i arrived 2 minutes earlier. sent another sms to tell him that i had arrived at the rendezvous point.

i didn’t have to wait long. he was there before i knew, walking towards me with that smile of his that i simply adore *blush* actually, on my way there, i had plan a, plan b and plan c of what should i have for dinner, depending on the weather. but then, he simply sat beside me and said “awak nak makan char kuey tiow?” and i was filled with joy, almost jumping around like a 5 years old kids saying “nak nak nak!” eh, i didn’t even realise that i was craving for a hot plate of char kuey tiow right then, hmmm. *kagum2*

we arrived at the stall in the constant drizzle. because of i only had an umbrella, we shared, leaving me wet, since that particular umbrella was not meant for two. he asked me to sit while he bought the food. at that stall, you have to queue up and order your food. the hawker will fry-up your char kuey tiow in front of you. so, dalam hujan itu, i sat alone, waiting patiently, and giving him smile now and then. then siapp dah masak char kuey tiow. he queued up for our drinks. i was chanted “saya nak teh tarik” to myself, hoping that he would get the cue (hehehhehe). guess how suprise i am when he came with a plate of steaming hot char kuey tiow (dia dah makan earlier) and 2 glasses of bubly teh tarik. “awak nak minum apa?” he asked, belatedly, since sah2 dia slamber beli teh tarik tak tanya aku kan? hahahhaha. “saya memang nak teh tarik..mana awak tau?” he just smiled. tuhla dia, kekadang tuh slalu cam tanak caya, that he DID somehow manage to read me, hahahhaha. 6th sense when it came to me laa kan, huhuhu sayanggg awak!

then, we drove around, with the intention of familiarizing myself with route from un*kl to kj. yerlaa, dia gi gelakkan aku yang nak balik kj..tapi patah semula ke bulatan pahang, apa hal plak, kata dialaa, hehehe. so we talked as we drived around. macam2 laa topik, termasuk pasal duit2 (topik peberet gak ni), kerjaya n such. i was telling him that i planned to join oil n gas company if my current company tak kasik bonus + naik gaji/elaun. i told him about how much you could earn if you work in oil n gas company esp. if you were sent to work offshore. out of nowhere he said to me, “kalau awak dapat duit banyak tu, bleh ah awak pinang saya ek?”

erkkkk.

i was speechless for a moment, could feel that my cheeks were getting hot. i only managed a “cehh” followed by his laughter. oooooooooooooo, suka awak yerr? i should counter back by saying “okayy, jangan letak hantaran tinggi2 sangat yer” and see what he would say to that, hehehhe.

i also regaled him with stories about my family, particular my mom. he was laughting heartily when i told him that my mom is an over-peramah person, who could befriend almost anyone and liked almost everybody. then he said to me “awak ni pun ada ciri2 nak jadi cam emak awak laa. cakappp jer tak berenti2″ i was macam agak2 kecik ati skets and replied “karang tanak cakap karang..” to which he said knowingly “kalau awak senyap tak bercakap tuh, tandanya awak majuk la tu..” erkkk some more. hehehhehhehe.

we drove back to where he parked his motorcycle. he was torn between going straight back home or singgah cc main game. i only said “karang ujan balik karang..” hehehhehe. mendengar kata pakwe saya ni. teruss dia kata nak balik terus. owhhhh.

being with him constantly amuse me. learning about each other is so fun. thanks to my dearest yang telah mengobar2kan kembali semangat aku yang pudar awal2 dulu. yerla, i almost give up on him. just imagine, that i would missed all these stuffs, God forbids *shudder*

next plan, nak mendera pakwe tengok death note 2. padahal bukan dia tengok part 1. teman tengok aku, si wadie, ada kat offshore, so camno? dera aa pakwe sendiri. furthermore, pakwe tengah obsess nak beli pc. offered him my old sampai tahap tukun pc, yang bukan lagi pc, sebab ada m/board + processor ajer. excited jer dia ajak aku shopping bebarang lain kat lowyat. okayyyyyyyy, saya suka shopping barang2 pc, hehehhe. apola pompuan gadget ni kan?

so, karang2 kalo dating syok2 lagi, i’ll post it. sebab nanti2 kalo dah beranak cucu bleh baca blog sambil sengeh2, hehehhe.

okay, back to work. take care u all. daaaaaaaa

emotional poem

dia isterimu
yang kau pilih
yang kau janjikan kebahagiaan
yang kau janjikan perlindungan
yang kau janjikan cinta ke akhir hayatmu

dia isterimu
yang mencintaimu
yang setia kepada dirimu
yang berkorban segalanya untukmu
yang menerimamu apa adanya
yang menempuh susah payah bersamamu dulu

dia isterimu
yang melahirkan zuriat-zuriatmu
yang bertungkus lumus membesarkan
dan mendidik mereka
tanpa ada kurangnya perhatian buatmu

dia isterimu
yang tidak pandai mengeluh
tidak pandai mengadu-ngadu
tidak pandai membencimu

dia isterimu
yang harus kau lindungi
namun mengapa kau harus merobek hatinya?

dia isterimu
lupakah kau hakikat itu?